


I'll Drown in Sorrow

by fatalgods



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Non-Graphic Violence, secret santa gift!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-08
Updated: 2019-01-08
Packaged: 2019-10-06 14:59:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,245
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17347325
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fatalgods/pseuds/fatalgods
Summary: There's something bitter about the man he had loved, now behind bars and blood on his face.





	I'll Drown in Sorrow

**Author's Note:**

> Secret Santa gift for Ruka, on the shuake discord server! sorry if there are any grammar issues or misspellings (no beta ;_;). I’m better at fluff but wanted to give a try at something serious! I tried my best with the prompts given. <3
> 
> Fantasy / Vigilante AU - Focus on Plot-related Angst + Restraint

The sounds of cobblestone against his shoes clicks loud as he makes his way down the staircase. He grabs a torch off the wall as the spiral continues down, eventually reaching the bottom. He can hear the sounds of labored breath. 

There’s something about seeing his lover like this that makes Akechi feel something. Behind cell bars, Kurusu rests in silence. He's on his knees, with his hands chained to the wall and hanging lose above him, restrained, head low, his black curls blend in with the pitch darkness of the cell, clothes now torn and bloodied. He watches his chest rise and fall rapidly. Against the torch, his pale skin and a cut pink lip glows red contrasting the fresh crimson blood that had dripped down his face. 

For a moment, he feels there’s still something so beautiful about that appearance, like the way he holds Akechi’s hand before a battle, the way he kisses him when nobody was looking, his smile in an afterglow haze and the way he runs his fingers through locks—

He hits the cell bars, a loud bang echoing. “Wake up.” He belts, unwavering and straightforward. The delinquent stirs awake quickly, sitting up straight with eyes wide like a scared little boy, eyes flickering back and forth looking for any sign of the sound, eventually settling on the silhouette in front. Akechi watches his entire body relax as he figures out the face in front of him. “Goro...Goro, oh my god.” Kurusu’s entire face lights up, that ridiculous smile slowly showing itself. “I—I’m so happy to see you. God, I’m so happy to—” The chains rattle above him his hands trying to escape its confidements. “Goro, I’m so sorry—” 

“Shut up.” Akechi can tell his words pierce the younger man’s heart. “Just. Stop. Do not even start with me.”

A beat. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you...but I can’t let this continue. I can’t just sit and watch this injustice unfold, people are hurting, S-Shido’s judgement and actions are unfair and you know it!”

“Oh, you want to talk about _justice_ now, of all things?” Akechi laughs and runs his hand through his hair. He can’t believe this.

Kurusu swallows. “I love you Goro, if it wasn’t for you, I couldn’t have gotten as far as I did.” He glances straight into Akechi, hopeful and pleading. “I want you to help me. We can do this. Please, let me out and—”

“ _YOU BETRAYED THIS KINGDOM!_ ” His hands slam against the bars and tighten around it, shaking metal and echoing throughout the stone halls. “We let you in, we _trusted_ you, and this is what you do to us?” Silence. “ _I_ trusted you.”

“Goro—” “ _SHUT UP!”_ He cries out, banging a fist against the cold metal again. “You… you have _no_ right to say my name.” He feels his eyes muddling up, the lump in his throat warm and heated. “Was I just a fool to you, he who let you in only to use me?” He can taste fire on his tongue, burning and stinging, shoulders shaking. “Was I simply just another pawn in your game? Those moments, the nights, everything, did _anything_ we do even matter to you?”

Chains rattle violently, Kurusu thrashing forward. “No, Goro, please, you know what’s happening here isn’t right!” He bites his lip, splitting it back open as as a small pearl of blood forms. “The king, the abuse, the treatment of these people,” His eyes are pleading, wide and needing. “We— us, together — we need to stop this. I need your help. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before we acted, I just couldn’t risk—” 

Akechi can’t help but laugh, laugh to try to find any kind of humor in the words. “Ha, you didn’t think to ask before attempting to overthrow Shido, to kill him and take the throne, start a revolution?” He has to look away from the desperate man, looking down to the stone floor and staring at the cooling blood pooling into the cracks. “What are you, some kind of hero? Some... vigilante hoping to change all this? You and your little merry band of servants and farmers?” This is almost too funny. 

He thinks of the past. Of when he had found Kurusu, a man without direction or reasons to live, and against his better judgement, let him in. His retainer, a proud soldier, and gentle heart. The way his palm felt against his cheek, soft lips, kind words and sweet nothings whispered. His loyalty, his strength, and he loved it, he ate it up. 

So how could he do this?

This was some kind of sick joke. Perhaps it was God’s judgement for his own sins, perhaps for existing. He feels hot, head pounding as he let the words he came to say spill out of his mouth, sick and dirty.

“The king has ordered your execution tomorrow at dawn, along with your captured allies, for your attempted murder and treason against him.” Akechi turns his back, looking at the flame he holds in his hand. He feels sick to his stomach, acid in his throat. He doesn’t want this. 

The silence is deadly, labored breathing holding for a moment. “Goro, please. Please, you can’t—” 

“I don’t have a choice, okay?!” His head is swimming, he feels like he is drowning. “This is just how it is. I can’t…” He can hear his own heartbeat. His knees are shaking. 

He thinks of the first time they kissed, the sun shining bright, the grass soft beneath him, warm and beautiful. Words of loyalty and promise, trust in one another. Akira’s gray eyes staring deep into his own soul, full of love and devotion. He almost felt free in that moment, neither of them afraid of the future under a tyrant, like everything would be okay. An almost childish dream, where he and the best thing that ever happened to him could just be okay together.

He feels his body move on its own, opening the cell and walks in, looking at the bruised and beaten man. “Akira…I…”

The torch drops from his grip, hands covering his face. Goro finally feels his knees give out, collapsing in front of his lover and chokes out a sob. “I-I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” Hot tears spill over finally. “I don’t want you to die, I don’t want this, I hate this so much, I hate it—” His voice lowers to a whisper, choking on his emotions. He finally looks into Akira’s eyes, to find that they’re wet too.

“I love you, Goro.” He listens to the younger man try and swallow his own heaves. “I love you so much. I’m so sorry.” There’s nothing but silence. 

He wishes Akira could reach out to him, run his fingers through his hair like he loves, and kiss him softly until the tears stop falling. He wishes things could be different, where they could run away, no longer held back by loyalties and obligations to a lord or a king. 

Soon enough, he finds his head laying against Akira’s chest, fingers tight in loose linen as he continued to break down, listening to the rapid beat of his lover’s chest. His body is shaking, trembling, yet warm against the other .“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry...” 

Goro hopes that maybe, maybe if they just lie here together, alone, but united, they’ll be okay. They’ll be okay. 

They’ll be okay. 

**Author's Note:**

> In case it was kinda confusing;  
> \- Akechi is a lord, Akira is his retainer, Shido is the ruler/king  
> \- Akira tried to overthrow Shido with the other Phantom Thieves (ragtag team of servants and people within the kingdom Akira befriended) and failed  
> \- Akechi still wants revenge on Shido, alone  
> \- maybe ill write more to give this more context someday
> 
> this was my first fic posted to ao3 as well as my first fic in over five years so i hope you enjoyed!  
> my twitter is @fatal_gods if u wanna another shuake mutual much love if u read <3


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